Learning how to live w/ triggers

Today started out well, I got up at a decent time...well not at me control that is because one of the kids friends rang to the door bell which woke me up.. But after that I sat down and tried to wake up a bit and took my meds.

I'm at least good about doing that. I take my meds like I'm supposed to although it can get to be a daunting and pain in the butt.

I was doing great until the husband woke up and I was talking about the fact that we should start a bakery, basically a cake place. He got rather mean about it when I said that we live in such a small town that it would actually make some money but he totally shot down the idea. I did what was best and I left the room cause I was getting angry. I know what I gotta do with my trigerrs even if he continues the arguement. Although I really felt like continuing the fight cause I thought that it was and is a good idea. But I went and laid down for a bit and actually kinda fell asleep.

What I hate more then anything is the fact that my spouse is my trigger at this point. I even got him a book to read to help him realized how the whole mental illness of bipolar works and how that the choice of words or statements don't help me but in fact make things worse. This week we have a therapy appt together in which she is going to help him understand what it is that I deal with especially the emotions. I'm already emotional and being bipolar just makes it worse.

But I believe that I'm working on it and trying to handle things better.....but I also gotta admit it really just drains everything right out of me and I get so tired of dealing with this dang disease. I have at least learned that it's a disease.

I hope that by putting all this out not only does it help me then it might help others out.

It's definetly a learning cycle

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and Generalized Anxiety Disorder

I wasn't diagnosed until later in my thirties. I was going through a major depression and I was having thoughts of suicide (although I wouldn't do that to my kids). At that time my husband took me to a state run mental facility. It was the worse place I had ever been and I made sure that I was home the next day. At that point I found a psychiatrist (pdoc) to go to and accepted took our insurance. Thank god for that I started on medications for Bipolar. Granted it's a constant checking of medications and finding what works. I take my medications like I'm supposed to which is usually a problem with people who have bipolar, but I'm doing the best I can to get the combo right so that I can at least know that part of my life is ok.

I just recently spent another period in the hospital and it was much better then there I went in the first place. My pdoc is the doctor for that floor of the hospital so I knew that I would be getting good care. I stayed for three days and I can't even begin to imagine how 3 days would give my mind a break, which it needed very much. I of course did group and I learned a lot. My family came to see me one time and I talked to them a fair amount. The would have come another time but my son had an honor band performance so I told them to go to that.

During this time I also learned some knew things, most of them I knew but it amazed me how much it was obvious to stragers. I had co-dependance issue, anger and stress issues and of course I'm dealing with depression. I started counseling when I left the hospital and that is going really well. I have set up an appt with my counselor for me and my husband to be at so my counselor can help him understand what I go through on a daily basis.

I'm still learning my triggers, I'm still learning how to get through each day and I of course get out of bed which I think is a big feat. I know that there are more things that I need to do and I try to work on that each day.

It's a dail battle but it's a battle that is not getting me down.